Open Letter to Musicians

Over the past few days it's occured to me that I have a lot of stored up advice for musicians that I do and don't like. What would I say to them if given the opportunity? Here are a few:

Billy Corgan:
Where is your joy? It's very clearly gone away. You used to write songs bursting at the seems with the exuberance of being alive, making music, and turning everything up to 11 to rock with righteous abandon. It's not that I don't like Zeitgeist (it rocks serious ass, truth be told), I just think you've become embittered and lost touch with what made you truly great. That said, here is some evidence:

Joy Period:
I Am One
Frail and Bedazzled
Today
Geek USA
33
1979
Marquis in Spades
Mary, Star of the Sea

Non-Joy Period:
Machina I (which admittedly did have some really good songs)
The Future Embrace
Adore
Songs from the Batman and Robin soundtrack

So, Billy, please, listen to the two most recent Dinosaur Jr records, call James, D'Arcy, and Jimmy, put your bitterness to the side, and get it on once more!

Green Day:
Dear god please stop taking yourselves to fucking seriously. You guys are really good...when you're not wearing guyliner and talking about The Who.

"We're known as being the most socially conscious band out there." Um..no. By fucking whom? You're not The Clash. It's the truth. American Idiot was neither London Calling nor even Give Em Enough Rope. 21st Century Breakdown is not Quadrophenia. In fact, you're not even Pearl Jam or U2, who at least have the decency to practice what they preach.

Now, that said, American Idiot, Dookie, and even Nimrod and really good records. Just quit it with the self-importance.

Thanks.

Nas:
I know you're good friends with The Game, but remember, you're not him. Please stop peppering your verses with shit like "Rubber-grip-holder, reloader/Come at me I'ma rip your soliders in half/Silverback ape, nickle-plated mag/Young, rich, and flashy/Young, bitch, I'm nasty". This is the same song in which you say, with startling conviction and emotion, "Everytime I close my lids/I can still see the boro I can still see the bridge". And the silverback ape thing? Perpetuating black stereotypes much?

As thug as you wanna be or think you are, as fantastic and mind-blowing as your rhyme schemes are, and your ability to turn a couplet on its head, it just gets old. However, I never get enough of hearing stuff like The Slave and the Master or even Blunt Ashes.

You're certainly my favorite MC out there (barring Mos Def making a serious return to hip hop - ie, quitting Hollywood), and arguably the best living rapper, but you have at this point passed the conflicted personalities of It Was Written or even Stillmatic, and just sound as though you're trying to "be Nas". (by the way, Untitled is a fantastic record. Really and honestly, it's one of your best).

I hope working with Damian Marley gets you to whole-heartedly reconnect with the soul of what it means to be Nas.

Creed:
I also believe very strongly in something. And that is that you need to go away. Forever.

Andy Bell:
Please stop trying to write Oasis songs. Write Andy Bell songs. Let Noel Oasify them.

Muse:
While I appreciate the subtly to what you do, you needn't always be so damn understated.

And that'll do for now. If you have any of your own advice to offer to anyone out there you think needs it, I encourage you to do so in the comments section.

Thank you very much.